Randall: "People say crazy shit during sex. One time I called this girl 'Mom'."
OOOHHHHHH People, it is fantasy football time again. My brother and I had our draft last night with all of the guys from his work at the USPS(no, not the entire USPS). It was Nuuuuuuts. This may sound a little queer, but I really like just being around guys once in a while. Not for the queer reason, but to get loud, and bullshit, and trashtalk, and drink beer, and eat pizza and bbq weiners, and laugh at the stupid shit that everyone else is saying.
For the lay-persons, Fantasy football is an activity which involves one persons picks over anothers. One night every year before the football season, guys get together and pick 1 player each round, 16 times. These players are the players you think will score the most points, catch/recieve for the most yards, etc. It can get a little tricky though, especially when one of your favorite teams(ie. the Bengals) is playing against one of your players that you picked for your team. So if I have the Seattle Defense, which I do, and the Begals are playing them that week, I am in personal quandry. I want Palmer and Rudi and Chad-boy to do great!!!! But I also want my team Defense to get a lot of points as well. It's deep I know, but it's fun, and it's also great when you might be watching highlights of a particular game and some random joe-shmo is shown catching a 90 yard TD pass and he happens to be on your team playing that week and you jump up and scream "Yeah" and no one knows why.....it's the little things that make me happy, I'm easy.
11 comments:
God, guys are sooooo complex.....no wonder I cant figure them out. I seriously hope you didnt pick the black guy with the blonde hair. Your fantasy football team needs to be fashion forward. He is a definite DONT!!
Such complex problems. Dearest Dan, how DO you get through the day? I mean, starvation in Africa, the homeless problem, droughts in the Midwest.... They just pale next to Fantasy Football picks, eh?
Steph, you have nooooo idea
It actually sounds more like a win-win to me than a quandry. Maybe my glass is just half full.
well, the quandry, my friend, lies when I want Palmer to throw a 90 yard TD pass, but instead, an interception is made by my starting D or he is sacked. I don't want the latter 2 to happen outside of fantaasy football, but for the points I get on the latter 2, it's good in fantasy land.
I wish I understood ANYTHING you just said in your response to Absent Minded Landlord. It simply confirms my suspicion that boys have this secret language. Decoded, I think what you just said was, "I wish my wife would make me a sandwich. I need to scratch my balls."
Actually, I was scratching my balls at the time. SO your translation is a little muttled, but you're getting the basic understanding of our language, grasshopper
Um, Dan... Here are a few notes to avoid all conflicts, here are the basic rules of fantasy...
1. Don't EVER pick a Steeler - even if they are the superbowl champs, it was by default.
2. Pick all the guys on Cinci that are good and take the Cinci defense. They get a lot of pick-offs.
3. Pick Housh, because he has a cool name and I have his jersey.
4. Never pick a Steeler, EVER!
5. Always cheer for the real team, NOT the fantasy team. Why? because one is fantasy.
6. It only matters what the scoreboard says in the end, not the stats in the end... so you are actually able to cheer for long runs and lots of long passes, as long as they fumble or don't score or toss an interception in the endzone. :) And if it's a defense you are worried about, just cheer for them to keep the score low, and you will be in decent shape.
7. Never, ever pick a Steeler - because they shall never be cheered for in any situation whatsoever!
The end.
For the record, we picked 0 Steelers
As it should be. Good work Dan-o... well done!
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