Friday, September 22, 2006

The Tortoise Terminator

It was a cold and rainy Friday, one in which I did not pack my lunch. The two gents and I have come to agreement on where we will take our noon hour feeding time. We slowly make our way out to our vans, which each one has only 2 seats in the front. So we take separate vans, the bosses son and I in one and Mike in the other, all alone. We pull down the long and winding driveway out to the main thoroughfair and make a left turn to make our way to the restaurant. About 1/4 of a mile or so up the road I can make out an odd shape on the road, one of which I was sure what it was when I first caught a glimpse of it, but I had to take a second look to be sure. It was something you rarely see on the white line on the side of the road. That's right, a cute little tortoise, actually it was a pretty good sized one and I, being the nature lover that I am, swerved over the center yellow line to allow myself plenty of room in order to clear him. (I would have stopped to move it over to the other side, but it is a very curvy road, plus it is in Indian Hill where the locals apparently have ZERO awareness of any traffic laws and drive in excess of 50 MPH on their local roads, straddling the yellow middle line on very regular occasions.) We pass and I Mike is right behind me talking on his phone to his wife paying no attention. I have never seen a tortoise shell have so much velocity in my life. Prior to striking the tortoise, I could tell that it had it's head tucked safely away. Mikes passenger side tire grazed, and when I say grazed I mean just enough to give it a slight downward pressure on the front 1/32 of and inch on its shell, and then SHOOOOOOM!!!!! That tortoise shot sideways back into the woods from which it came from. I can honestly say that I believe that the tortoise is alive and well. One more inch to the left, and this would never had happened......but one more to the right, and Mike would forever be known to me as......The Tortoise Terminator!!!!!!

Monday, September 18, 2006


Burgundy: "Have any one of you experienced true love"
Brick: "I love carpet"
Burgundy: "Seriously guys (disregarding Brick's statement)"
Brick: "I love lamp"
Burgundy: "Brick, are you just looking at things and saying that you love them"
Brick: "I LOVE LAMP!!!"

I can't say that I've had a better monday in a while. Even though I was actually on a job site, I think it was as productive a day as Friday. We had our racks delivered to a job site today to begin tie in to the house wires we pulled. Only we weren't sure on the exact placement of the racks so it was lunch before we figured out a good spot. We ate lunch and I sent out the fella I was with to pick up the stuff needed to cut holes in the steel cans and the flex conduit to run it through. Only halfway through his journey he gets pulled off to another job right down the street without me knowing and doesn't get out of there until 4:30(cleanup time). I was a beautiful rainy Monday. Perfection.

Friday, September 15, 2006

When the cat's away......

Bender: "Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?"

Oh people, today was a good day at work, if you want to call it that. The 2 bosses are in Denver for the yearly CEDIA (Custom Electronics Design and Installation Association) convention. It's pretty cool, I went the last 2 years, but it's all the same stuff with maybe a few new items added to them to make them a little better. Anyway, enough of that, today was great. We did NOTHING for the day. We were supposed to go down to AFG to replace 2 video scalers, but they never came in from UPS, so while we waited, we sat in the theater and watched Saving Private Ryan, afterwards we took a little break from watching the Kaleidescape. So we went to lunch, Brett the progammer and I went to Jersey Mikes, I had the classic Philly Cheesesteak w/ no peppers( a must if you've never tried). We took a stroll down to Planet Smoothie and I got a small Chocolate Elvis (peanut butter, yogurt, chocolate, and ice). It was ok, but I'm sure there's better flavors. So when we had enough of the lunch scene, we made our way back to the shop hoping that by 1:00 the scalers would be in.....they weren't. What are we going to do???? We couldn't think of a thing, so we sat back down in the theater thinking maybe the nice comfy leather theater seats would help us think.....they didn't. Magically the Projector kicked on and the channel switched to a Showtime channel. It was time for Kung Fu Theater!!!!! "The Master of the Flying Guillotine". Quite entertaining for the full duration, alot of action and I believe, yes I believe that I have a new favorite movie format. It was made in 1975, the year I was conceived and born. It still had an entertainment factor that was undeniable, how can you ignore that or even push the 'System Off' button on the touch panel. I'll tell you from experience, you can't. And when we turned to our bosses son to get him to check UPS, it was apparent he did not have the same appreciation for the showing. He was sprawled across 2 of the 4 seats behind us out like a light. Yes, I can officially say that today was the MOST unproductive day at work I've ever had. At 3:00, I gave up on UPS and left. I'm not going downtown after 3:00 on a Friday, especially after the ass-busting we did today. Screw That!!!!!

Wednesday, September 13, 2006


Bobby Boucher "I like college and I like football, and I'm gonna keep doing them both because they make me happy........And I like Vicki Vallencourt, and she showed me her boobies, and I like them too."

Sorry I missed the last quote so I had to make it up with a good one. So how is everybody? I feel great today, I really do. I don't know what the deal was with me today. Last night the wife was pissed at me because all I've been doing over the past few days is watching sports"HELLOOOOO, the start of a new football season+the Reds still hanging on hope for a playoff spot." But I went to bed and woke up this morning, feeling great. I don't know if I had a Come-to-Jesus over night in my dreams, but I kind of felt a little guilty.......nahhhhh, not me. Maybe though. I like sports, and when I can't physically be there, I like to watch sports on TV. But I do have a wife now, right, as I was LISTENING to the Reds game in extra innings last night as I lay in bed(I thought this would be semi-productive on my need for rest and need for sports)I know, it's terrible, but I was tired and I wanted to know the outcome, so if I did fall asleep, at least subliminally I'd know the score. Hey Doc., any suggestions on how to split the time or even combine the 2. I thought of slipping her some pills as I watched the game while she sits next to me for the first half an hour or so, just so she can fall asleep with me, and that way we can be together AND I have sports. Probably not too cool though. Maybe I'll just have to suck it up and ACTUALLY spend some"quality time" with her. Yeah, I suppose that will be the best way to handle it. I'll save the pills for plan B.
The above is a pic with me and the ring bearer Blake from the wedding(obviously). I've been trying to get it posted, but for some reason, up until now, it wouldn't.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Back To Normal

My rant is complete and even though I'm still fed up with our wellfare system, if you want to call it that(it's more like crap-fare), I hada wonderful time last night with my wife and friends and family at the Cincinnati Reds game. They won a game finally and I got a free beer, FROM THE CONCESSION STAND, not bought by someone else, it was just free. Their register was screwed up and I waited forever so the guy was just like"go ahead and take it". And I did, and it was good. I didn't look back, I did not ask "are you sure?", I just took it and walked away quietly, like a man who had just experienced a very uncomfortable moment with another man would. The game itself was entertaining, the after concert by Paul Otten Band was pretty cool(great live music), and the visit at Q and the AML's house afterwards was enchanting(good beer, good food, and dizzy-ing conversation). It was like BW3's without the wings and 50 televisions. Anyway, the wife had a good time which is what it was all about.
People watching is great. By the 6th inning, a grown woman easily in her 40's, dressed like she was a 15 year old, was drunk as a skunk, screaming and yelling for Ryan Freel. He glanced over once and simply raised his hand in her direction. This made her evening, but made the screaming and yelling even worse, because naturally now, this meant Freel was interested. Let's leave the fact that her husband/boyfriend was right next to her. Simply amazing is the 40 year old female alcoholic psyche. "Hey bitch, have another one will ya!!"

Thursday, September 07, 2006


Michael Corleone: "Fredo, you're my older brother and I love you, but don't ever take sides with anyone against the family again. Ever."

Sorry to bring you guys down on this one, but I get pissed off every time I think or hear about this topic. I am speaking of the 3 year old Marcus Fiesel who was MURDERED several weeks ago. I keep up to speed on what's going on in the world by listening to talk radio on my headset during the day. And when the News breaks in every so often, and I hear of new findings by the police, other investigators, and the county coroner, I get so furious. I can't yell out loud because there are others working around me. The boy was taped up with packing tape, hands bound, and wrapped in a blanket, stuffed in a closet with the A/C turned off for 2 days in 95 degree heat. Who does this? And the real mother is another issue. This fat ass has taken the system and made it her lifestyle. All she had to do is get a doctor to give her a medical/mental disability label, and she's off to the races. She doesn't have to work because of it, she gets tax money, our money!!!!!!!!.....for those responsible enough to work, and she feels even more incentivised to have THREE children, all of which were fathered by a different man, AND she gets money for them.....Guess what, apparently she's pregnant again! Where does this stop?! He was a paycheck, and I'm sure many others are treating these kids as paychecks. This child, if he lived on, would probably never experienced childhood, even in a foster home because the Carrolls recieved money also from being foster parents. Again, a paycheck. AND she has a class action lawsuit for 5 million because she claims she wanted to regain custody soon, she was turning her life around. A(When have we heard this one before??? Ummmm, let's see everytime a drug deal goes bad.) So, AGAIN, in death even, the child is a paycheck. She, not once, attempted to set up visiting arangements to see this child she"loved".

Anyway, he was suffocated, doused with gasoline, burned, doused several more times, set on fire several more times, and whatever wasn't burned was put in a bag and dumped in the Ohio river. And then had the gaul to use the system AGAIN and have a massive search for a child they knew they killed. These mother fuckers need a pounding, BAD.

I bust my ass, to get what money I have, I pay for my own medical/dental insurance, my house, my food, .....and when I go to the doctor, I have to pay even more(co-pay). These people<----yes, that is a class of people, get medical, dental, AND legal representation, whenever they feel they need it(not only when a crime is committed by them) all of which has been labeled as FREE. Well, it's not free, nothing is free. The money comes from somewhere, and it's not the sky, it comes out of all of OUR pay. These people see an incentive for being unresponsible, with no job, and a promise of steady money by having more and more children. Sounds like a pretty good deal doesn't it? Everyone's a victim. It's easier to point a finger than to take responsibility for yourself. I mean to have someone take care of you for the rest of your life. I'm done, I've got other shit to do tonight.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006


Ulysses Everitt McGill: Well, isn't this place just a geographical oddity. Two weeks from everywhere.

That's right, straight out of the Gremlins movies, Mogwai. The small furry creature, Gizmo. That's what the two cute furry little Cockapoo's looked like today at the clients house I was at. How much work did you get done Dan? Not much. They are puppies from the same littler and are only 2 months old. Luckily my tasks today involved sitting on the floor and making up ends for the video distribution. SO I had the said Mogwai's both in my lap and fighting, wrestling with each other, then me, then sleeping for about a half an hour, then both awakening and realizing there was no wrestling going on, and wrestling ensued once again.
Olive and Palmer say: "No more animals Danno. No more. We are the chosen ones."

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Ahhh, the Fantasy

Randall: "People say crazy shit during sex. One time I called this girl 'Mom'."

OOOHHHHHH People, it is fantasy football time again. My brother and I had our draft last night with all of the guys from his work at the USPS(no, not the entire USPS). It was Nuuuuuuts. This may sound a little queer, but I really like just being around guys once in a while. Not for the queer reason, but to get loud, and bullshit, and trashtalk, and drink beer, and eat pizza and bbq weiners, and laugh at the stupid shit that everyone else is saying.
For the lay-persons, Fantasy football is an activity which involves one persons picks over anothers. One night every year before the football season, guys get together and pick 1 player each round, 16 times. These players are the players you think will score the most points, catch/recieve for the most yards, etc. It can get a little tricky though, especially when one of your favorite teams(ie. the Bengals) is playing against one of your players that you picked for your team. So if I have the Seattle Defense, which I do, and the Begals are playing them that week, I am in personal quandry. I want Palmer and Rudi and Chad-boy to do great!!!! But I also want my team Defense to get a lot of points as well. It's deep I know, but it's fun, and it's also great when you might be watching highlights of a particular game and some random joe-shmo is shown catching a 90 yard TD pass and he happens to be on your team playing that week and you jump up and scream "Yeah" and no one knows's the little things that make me happy, I'm easy.