The Tortoise Terminator

It was a cold and rainy Friday, one in which I did not pack my lunch. The two gents and I have come to agreement on where we will take our noon hour feeding time. We slowly make our way out to our vans, which each one has only 2 seats in the front. So we take separate vans, the bosses son and I in one and Mike in the other, all alone. We pull down the long and winding driveway out to the main thoroughfair and make a left turn to make our way to the restaurant. About 1/4 of a mile or so up the road I can make out an odd shape on the road, one of which I was sure what it was when I first caught a glimpse of it, but I had to take a second look to be sure. It was something you rarely see on the white line on the side of the road. That's right, a cute little tortoise, actually it was a pretty good sized one and I, being the nature lover that I am, swerved over the center yellow line to allow myself plenty of room in order to clear him. (I would have stopped to move it over to the other side, but it is a very curvy road, plus it is in Indian Hill where the locals apparently have ZERO awareness of any traffic laws and drive in excess of 50 MPH on their local roads, straddling the yellow middle line on very regular occasions.) We pass and I Mike is right behind me talking on his phone to his wife paying no attention. I have never seen a tortoise shell have so much velocity in my life. Prior to striking the tortoise, I could tell that it had it's head tucked safely away. Mikes passenger side tire grazed, and when I say grazed I mean just enough to give it a slight downward pressure on the front 1/32 of and inch on its shell, and then SHOOOOOOM!!!!! That tortoise shot sideways back into the woods from which it came from. I can honestly say that I believe that the tortoise is alive and well. One more inch to the left, and this would never had happened......but one more to the right, and Mike would forever be known to me as......The Tortoise Terminator!!!!!!