The New Billy Madison

Well, being on vacation is so nice. I'm not at a beach or up in the mountains. We're in NC visiting the wife's family which is just as great. There's no rush to anything and everything is very laid back and EVERYONE has a house key. Yesterday in our endeavours, we went to the school of my sister-in-law's son. He's in 1st grade and we ate lunch with him. There is humor in this for those who know me and then can picture me fitting in the chairs at the gradeschool lunch table. All was grand though. It was refreshing to see that the media's viewpoint's on the depleating school system and that children being left behind are all unfounded. I had a good time seeing the kids eyes light up when they saw a new visitor in their lair. One even said "MAN, he's 7 feet tall!" Blake, the ringbearer in our wedding, ordered for us. We all had the chef salad (which for gradeschool food was really good- probably something you'd spend $7.99 on at Ruby Tuesday AND no tip necessary). We knew when it was time to get up when all of the kids started lining up on the outside wall, so we followed. As we went out the door there was a female stragler that looked a little peekid. As we went outside to go around the building bringing up the rear of the line, the little girl proceeded to toss her cookies. Let me rephrase that, the projectile vomit was quite impressive. It was neverending folks, and this was a little girl too. I don't think I could have matched that volume. I ran to the bathroom to wet down a towel for her as the sister-in-law consoled her. Poor kid. After that we were off to visit MOM, my-mother-in law, on the other side of school. She teaches 5th grade, they were a little bit more of the hellions you'd expect. Attitudes abounding. Good kids though. We weren't much different though when we were young. So have no fear, the future of our contry is not lost.
Tomorrow I'm off to hit the links with DAD, father-in-law and Adam. FORE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Drive Thru

Yes, Mols, another lunch story. Today Dan was going to lunch a little early. It wouldn't have made a difference though if I HAD gone right at noon because I still would have been stuck behind the same lady I was behind 15 minutes earlier. I was CRAVING McDonald's. I hadn't had it in a while, and being the devout Catholic that I am, I had the DOUBLE filet O' fish w/ out cheese. Prior to me ordering, the lady in front of me, as she pulls up to the michrophone, rolls her window down in her SUV. I see her hand come out of the window with a WHOLE sheet of loose leaf paper. "Go ahead with your order, please" the voice says loudly. The bitch continues just as loud with "Yes, I actually have 9 separate orders". (Not 2 or the odd 3, but 9!!!!!) In the drive Thru!!!!! Now I have my window down on the van as does the construction truck behind me, and we both heard it simultaneously and said simultaneously, "YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME", loudly. She heard us as she turned and scoffed at our utility trucks. The guys behind me back out of line, fly past her honking and flipping her off, I back out and honk as well, but no flipping off for me( I was a little more courteous to the mom and 2 kids coming out of the restaurant). We both go in the same door shaking our heads and commenting on the ridiculousness and uncouthness of the 9 separate order at the drive thru. I order my said fish sandwich AFTER the other guys, walk out behind them, and she is STILL at the microphone. Not the pay window or picking up her food, STILL ORDERING!!! Fucking idiots....The world is filled with them.
On a much cuter note, pardon the pun, check this one out. She's got nothing on Olive though. We ripped out Stairway to Heaven a few weeks ago, me on drums and her playing lead guitar.

A Call Out to Babaganoush!!!

Putting out the bat signal here. So I'm in the bank Friday afternoon on the way home from work. I'm waiting in line behind a comedian....sorry, I failed to mention he was a seriously redneck hilbilly telling me jokes I wasn't ready for about the Daytona 500 mixed with a few sex jokes. Yes, in line in the bank!!!

Ok 2 tellers were busy and the window teller was busy so the wait was WAYYYYYYY long and I can't even remember the joke about Jeff Gordon. The teller to the right was helping an upper middle class white couple who had no information on them in order to access their account, they were still there when I left. The lady that stepped forward as I walked in was a young attractive black woman w/ a daughter, she was a little better prepared for her transaction by the way.

My call out is this, the unprepared couple had 2 children in there w/ them screaming and yelling and running all over the place, once in front of me while running into my leg. (I know I'm bigger than them, but was it wrong to want to trip them both). The other younger woman's daughter waited patiently by her side holding her pants leg. Question: What is the secret behind good parenting?" It seems as though every time I go out more times than not, the caucasian children are out of control. It's almost like younger black children see the fear of God in their mothers and fathers, I think I almost see it too. I want to be a good black parent some day....what is the secret?
Dr., if you can help, I'll take any suggestions I can get.

Throwing My Name in that Hat

Ok, so far there are 3 men, the most recent being Zsa Zsa Gabore's husband, who is in the running for a nearly $500,000,000 estate. Since Ms. Smith's abrupt and unsuprisingly early death, her newborn daughter is now an orphan of the state. Who's is she??? Well ,folks whoever can be proven to be her biological parent, stands to gain a fair share of the amount shown above. So this is my story:
A little over a year ago, I went off to "Lutron Training". Or that's what I told my wife. I was secretly in Vegas winning hundreds of thousands of dollars w/ my older brother while we wore the same light blue suits, ala Rainman. While at the high roller's table, Ms. Smith was struck with the bolt of lightning we call LUST. As she turned her head, and her eyes caught mine, it was destiny. We strolled up to my suite, with the bed put up by the window over looking Vegas, again ala Rainman. It was a porno in the making, when the moment was just about to happen she lowered herself over me and knocked me unconcious with the mountains we've all come to call, well, Anna's tit's. I don't remember anything after that. The next thing I remember is waking up with a note in the shape of an airplane on my pillow and the song 'Take My Breath Away' playing in an unlocated radio within the room. I miss that woman, she was my destiny. I think I might be the next multimillionaire....I mean father of the baby. (This is a comment thrown in after publication, but doesn't this picture just make you smile? The more and more I look at it, I smile. They, I mean she just looks really happy right here.)

Seriously though folks, all joking aside. The woman was 39 years old. She was swept up in the world of hollywood and glamour and HAD to have finally come to the realization that she was where she was because of what she looked like and what she had physically. Not because of her brains, or personality, or acting skills. It really is a shame that those are the perameters for acceptance in the world of glitz and glamour. RIP, Ms. Smith, after years of speed and amphetamines, you need the rest.
PS- I searched and searched for a tastefully done image that wouldn't offend anyone. There actually were many to choose from and in my infinate wisdom of photography, this was the one I picked. In my searching, I found that she really was pretty photogenic.

Global warming???

Nice that I'm posting this when it's only 'Ah' degree outside, huh. But there's something I've looked into that is quite interesting. Global Warming a farse??? Over the past DECADE, there have been extremely harsh and cold weather in the North Atlantic. There have been unnusually large ice flows around Iceland and Greenland and up and into the Arctic Ocean where "experts" say the ice is melting. Now I know it's pretty F'ing cold right now here, but over the past few weeks it has been in the 30's and 40's, right?? Fairly mild. Now it stands to reason that when it's 30 to 40 degrees here, it's EASILY going to be @40 to 50 degrees colder, AT THE VERY LEAST in the Arctic Circle, I'd even venture to say upwards of 60 degrees colder, OR MORE. Guess what water freezes, AND STAYS FROZEN, until it reaches 32 degrees F. We all learned this in gradeschool.... we're not stupid, are we. It's actually quite simple.

There are, however, area's where there are Glaciers MELTING and guess what they are finding under these glaciers??? Hmmm???? ANCIENT Norse civilizations. Yes, the Earth was warmer at one point than it is now and people lived in these now frozen areas and planted crops. Way warmer. No, George Bush didn't lift up the glacier with a thermonuclear-anti-particle ray beam and plant these civilizations under the glaciers to prove a point of the already proven constant shifting in climates ( I know there are crazies out there who may think that is the case). Hell, England even used to have vast lands of grape vineyards for wine, BUT it became way too cold over the years to do so.

It always seems that the media wants to make the world a small little place in our TV sets at home when we're making dinner or what not. Negative news is BIG news, and if some Yahoo says the sky is falling, guess where all of the reporters go??? Outside with their camera's pointed up in the air. In all actuality, folks, the Earth's a pretty fucking big place. Go up in a plane, WAY UP THERE and look down, you're only looking at a small portion of Kentucky or Tennessee, there's a lot more left out there. We are but puppets my friends in this game we call life.
The other day an ecological scientist on a local or nationwide ( I can't remember) news interview, was quoted as saying that "Yes, humans are actually contributing to global warming, however there is no real concerted effort that we can do to make things any better". So I guess what the guy is saying is, 'ladies and gents, we tried, everyone go home, give up, buy every last SUV that gets 12 or less MPG, and drive at excessive speeds to reduce the mileage even further while using hairspray w/cfc's with the windows down.'

I officially give up, I suppose we're damned if we dop and damned if we don't. I'm moving to Mars w/ Marvin.

Class is over.

Tagged??? We played 'fart tag' at a place I used to work....is this the same???

Hmmmmm, since I have been called out on this, I suppose I must oblige. However this may be an endeavor of about 3 hours since I see myself as the most perfect man alive and without quirks.

1). My ideal place on this planet, not shared by the Mrs., is a mountain top cabin. It doesn't have to just be in the spring or summer, due to the fact that I have an insatiable appetite for the coldest days that come to this godforsaken midwest town of ours. I would hunt, although I never have, I would fish, and I would learn to knit blankets and live off of the land. Then go back to the cabin for some more HDTV viewing. All of this done while the rest of society flocks to the beaches of America while peeing in the ocean.

2). I REALLY like my job. Not many people can say this. But I've said in the past that mine is a special situation where I hold down responsibilities at 2-3 large projects at a time, and any day could take me to a different one than the previous day. An office slug I am not. I get my hands dirty every day, and I love it!!!

3). This somewhat plays off of #2. I really enjoy taking my showers at night. Right before bed. I find that I'm more relaxed after a shower and I get better rest. My wife says that I'm impossible to sleep with because I keep her up with my snoring and rustling of the sheets....but what do I care, I'm sleeping right!!!!

4). This plays off of #3. I do magic tricks in my sleep......get your minds out of the gutter. I can, without any preparation whatsoever, remove the bedsheet and the fitted sheet from underneath myself, while I sleep, without getting up out of bed, and completely bury it on the other side of the bed under my wife. It's almost like if my sleeping partner weren't in bed next to me, and a magician did the old 'pulling the table cloth out from underneath the china' trick. Only I'm the china and the sheets are the table cloth.

5). This one plays off of #1 a bit. My favorite place that I've ever vacationed is Reno, NV. Not because of Reno, but because of what lies about 45 minutes to the west in California. As I drove up away from the highway in the Rockies, the road began to wind and twist up and around this mountain and all you could see were trees all around you. And as you make your way to the summit of the mountain and make the bend around the top and look down, the most blue and clear body of water lay below me. It was as close to a religious experience as I've ever gotten(next to seeing dolphins w/in 3-4 feet of us on a boat trip in Sannibel). Lake Tahoe, my friends, is absolutely breathtaking. Take away the Northern Californians, who I am convinced come from another world entirely, and it is heaven on Earth. On a sailboat ride across the lake, we were out pretty far, I looked at the depth finder and it read 70 feet deep. I looked over the side and you could still see the bottom.

6). If I could call back one thing in life that I did or didn't do what would it be?: The only thing I've ever really have said irked me as I grew up into my 20's,
was that I wished that in high school that I had played football all 4 years. I had a talent that grew from the 4th grade, I had rhythm. I would drum on everything that I could get my hands on, and finally it drove my mom to hysteria 'JOIN A BAND!!!' And so I did. I played drums for my gradeschool band all the way through my 8th grade year, while during that year, I got my first taste of football as a starting tackle at St. Barts. For a gradeschooler, I was a big boy, me and 2 others I can think of struggled to keep our weight for the week under the 160 lb. limit. The more I played, the more I loved it. After the year was over, we had an awards ceremony, and as they handed out trophies to the individual 8th graders, the Roger Bacon highschool coach was there with our coach handing out trophies. Our coach introduced me and said "Mr. H.(we'll call him-AML, you know who this would have been at the time...rhymes with hankey) is really licking his chops for this guy." My older brother and this coach never got along, and I was afraid that the brotherly bond would carry down to me and I'd be the 'coaches ass' later on in highschool. That following summer I made an attempt at freshman football and I could already see the drippings of attitude falling onto me by word of mouth to the freshman coach. I turned to my other love, music. I made the most of it, and made it to the Quads very rapidly. I had a blast through halfway my Junior year and quit the band. I knew if I was ever going to play football again, it was my senior year and that was it. The instant I stepped onto just the practice field with pads on, I knew right then it would have meant so much more if I'd just gutted it out and did the old Bobby Boucher trick and put the 'evil coaches' head on the opponents shoulders. But on the same coin, I'll never regret NEVER playing. It was something I wanted, and I ultimately did it. ' I could have gone Pro..I bet you I can throw this football over that mountain.'

Sorry that got really deep there at the end.

One of "Those" people

Lloyd Christmas: (swinging his arms back and forth wildly in the dog van) Harry, it makes you feel like you're running at an incredible rate!!

We went to see a movie the other night, 'Pursuit of Happiness', (Fantastic movie...If you've ever been down on your luck, to any extreme, see this movie.....it will make you feel grateful for what you have.) Before we left we were in a hurry, I wasn't quite sure what I had grabbed as I left out the door. I had my keys, because I drove, and my wallet, that's all I knew. We finally made it to the movie, just in time. I waited in line behind Shaniqua and Lafawnda, with their 8 children combined, and as they odered all of the stuff they "wanted", as the clerk put everything up on the counter, that's when they proceeded to ask how much each item was(ie. Icee's, giant popcorn's, large coke's, etc.). Nothing that could be just put back onto the rack, right. So I tell the wife, just go in, I'll be in by the end of the movie. I'm assuming the manager saw what was going on and saw me waiting in distress behind 'Dumb and Dumber' so she said she could help me out. 2 large drinks and a Med. popcorn, EASY. I made it in by the end of the previews. We progress through about 1 hour of the film when I heard the loud, unmistakeable sound of my cell phone go off in the middle of a silent scene. Yes folks, Dan made a mistake, I had grabbed my phone in the mad dash out the door. I know, I couldn't believe it either. Not on my watch though. The reflexes were astonishing to me. Faster than a hummingbirds wings, I reached down to silence it and turned it off before the message alarm sounded as well. I felt awful, I was one of "them".
I know I haven't posted for a while, I'm pulling double duty in MySpace land now. The sites are actually a little more fun, you can look up all kinds of people and I've found 2 folks I graduated with. My site's all decorated and shit. It is so choice, if you have the means.

On a lighter side....

A while back, AML did something called a 'meme'. I have time and I am exhaustes on my world affairs rant from yesterday. So here's my very own, and my very 1st MEME!!!!!:

Do you snore?: Aparently like a chainsaw.

Lover or Fighter?: Depends on the situation. Loving is so much more fun though.

What is your worst fear?: Not being able to be as good a parent to our kids/kid as my parents were. (No we're not pregnant yet). Is there a secret to being the ultimate parent??? Midgets scare me a bit too.

Were you a Lego maniac?: Absolutely!! I had many-a-lego sets and they came in handy too for forts for the GI Joe battles that commenced in the basement.

What do you think of reality TV?: I like certain ones. Mainly the ones where there is actual self improvement or a challenge involved(ie. Biggest Loser, Amazing Race, etc.)

Do you chew on straws?: No, that puts holes in it and it takes an increased sucking power to get the drink up to your lips.....way too much work involved.

Were you a cute baby?: Yes.....all 11 lbs. of Danno.

Is the single life for you?: It used to be. I had a thing when I was younger where it seemed that I wasn'ty single for more than a month at a time. I wasn't a giggilo, but I just enjoyed the company of women. I had a come to Jesus after a while and decided to take a break, and was single for over a year and found myself. When I wasn't trying was when I met my future Mrs. Danno.

What color is your keyboard?: Black...Why does it always have to be a racial thing?

Do you sing in the shower?: At times, when I know I'm alone in the house. The dog likes to lay on the floor though in the bathroom when I take a shower and when I do he peeks his head through the curtain to see what's wrong.

Have you ever bungee jumped?: No sir. Don't want to. The funny thing is that I'd jump out of a perfectly good airplane in a heartbeat.

Any secret talents?: Oh no, all of my talents are out in the open. I've been secretly working to perfect a few though. TOP SECRET.

What is your ideal vacation spot?: On a mountain in Montana or Washington somewhere for a month just to defrag my mind. Hunting, fishing, relaxing, watching satellite TV.

Can you swim?: I can swim like a Dolphin. I can even come up out of the water and move across the pool like they do without getting my trunks wet. (Thank you Mr. Reagan for that bit.)

Have you ever seen Donnie Darko?: Nope, I have no comments on why or why not. Just haven't seen it.

Do you give a damn about the Ozone:? Yes, but I think alot of the hype is just that, hype. The Ozone that gets depleated is replenished by lightning. Bet you didn't know that lightning creates Ozone. I care more about the Bzone and the Me-zone though.

How many licks to the center of a tootsie pop?: I'm not that gentle with the tootsie pop. I gnaw on them.

Can you sing the alphabet backwards?: Am I taking a sobriety test?

Electric or manual pencil sharpeners?: Electric!!! I always would scrape my knuckles on the wall with the manual ones.

Whats your stand on hunting?: I believe that if you need it to survive, it's ok. But if you can go down to Kroger and get some hamburger, what's the point? Fishing is different for me though even though it is a form of hunting, it's more of a relaxation thing for me. I have just a good time not catching anything as I would if I catch three 4lb smallmouth bass. Hunters just get pissed if they can't bag anything. And what's relaxing about sitting there quietly for hours then break the silence with an earshattering shotgun blast?

Is marriage in your future?: Every day.

Do you like your handwriting?: It's the best. I'm especially fond of my signature. I practice my baseball signature every time I sign a reciept. You know, for when I make the big leagues.

What are you allergic to?: Pennicillin. Bad Joo Joo.

When was the last time you said I love you?: This morning when the wife left for work, and when I saw myself in the mirror.

Do you cry at weddings?: Only when the kneeler falls on my toe.

How do you like your eggs?: Scrambled w/ pepper and tobasco sauce.

Are blondes dumb?: That's an insult to my race as a blonde.

Where does the other sock end up?: It gets sacrificed in the dryer and gets sent up to the laundry gods.

What time is it?: 12:40 PM.

Do you have a nickname?: Where do I begin......Cliff Clavin( I know a little bit about just about everything), Lurch, D-D-A A A A(it's a family thing, you wouldn't understand), Dan the little guy(my brother always sounded like he hada cold when he was younger, so to differentiate between Dan and Dad, that's what he'd say), and the wife calls me Mr. Big......no idea why.

Is McDonalds disgusting?: I saw Supersize me and it turned me off to fast food altogether for a while. But a Big Mac always will have a special place in my heart.

When was the last time you were in a car?: My truck, last night coming home from work.

Baths or Showers?: Don't call me gay, but on the very rare occasion I do enjoy a hot bath. But then always shower to wash the filth I've been soaking in off my body.

Is Santa real?: Yes, yes he is.

Do you like your neck kissed?: That's my sweet spot.

Are you afraid of the dark?: Only when I hear the monkey in the closet.

What are you addicted to?: Again, don't call me gay, but I'm slightly addicted to the Starbucks Caramel Machiatto.

Do you like crunchy or smooth peanut butter?: Crunchy. It breaks up the pastiness you get from the smooth.

Can you crack your neck?: Once a day, anything after that I'm risking paralysis.

Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?: When I worked at Natorp's nursery, the Christmas trees came in and when we were unloading them, one came down and hit me square in the back 3 inches to the left of my spine breaking my ribs. I cried then, but then I made myself stop for 2 reasons: #1. I couldn't breathe and #2. All of the workers huddled around me to keep me warm while I lay on the cold ground, as well as the two hotties in the greenhouse. I had to play it cool.

Is drug free the way to be?: That's the word. We as a society over medicate to an extreme amount.

Are you a heavy sleeper?: I can be. Loud noises don't wake me, but the little inconspicuous noises do.

What color are your eyes?: Ice blue

Do you like your life?: Not much I can do about it, it's the only one I've got. It's good though.

Are you a psychic?: No but I do have those de javu episodes on a regular basis.

Have you read Catcher in the Rye?: It's a good one. I'm going to have to read all of the books again that I did in highschool again just to read them without being quized on them....too much pressure.

Do you play any instruments?: I've been known to pound on a few different types of drums in the past.

Have you ever stolen any money?: I'll take a dollar out of the wifes purse to get a White Castle on the way to work in the morning sometimes.....Ooooops, the cat's out of the bag.

Can you snowboard?: Nope, I'll let my friends that do ski blow their knees out for me.

Do you like camping?: I am a mountain man if I do say so myself. I pride myself on starting a campfire in the rain w/o gasoline.

Do you snort when you laugh?:P No but the wife does sometimes when she gets going.

Do you believe in magic?: David Blaine, that's all I have to say.

Are dog's a man's best friend?: Unequivically yes.

Do you believe in divorce?: I know it's there but it's hard for me to say that I'd give up on something if there were problems. It's all in the vows. Unless there's abuse. So when she begins beating the shit out me, I'm out of here.

Can you moonwalk?: On a regular basis???

Do you make alot of mistakes?: I try not to but I leave perfection up to the Rabbit.

Is it cold outside today?: Rainy and wet......chilly.

What was the last thing you ate?: Sugar free jello w/ fruit in it w/ whipped cream on top....just like in the commercials.

Do you wear nail polish?: can't say that I do.

How many people do you like right now?: 'Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer'-The Godfather. I like keeping it on the downlow, not too many people.

What are the most annoying TV commercials?: 2 words "Trim-spa Baby".

Do you like to shop at American Eagle?: I'm a big fan of their flannel shirts.

Favorite Song right now?: "I'm bringin' Sexy Back" no seriously, I am.

Yeah AML, that does take a while. Danno, OUT!!!!

Me a politician.....Yeah right!!!

Crimson Tide
Capt. Ramsey: " Now if were me asked if we should drop the bomb on Nagasaki, I would have given a simle 'Yes, by all means, drop that fucker....TWICE!' "

Ladies and Gents, in no way am I war monger. However, I do believe in fighting for a cause and defending ourselves when the time permits. We are not done in Afghanastan nor in Iraq, not by far. And to bring politics into the mix is assenine. Listen, just because it is getting harder over there, is no reason to pull out. We have become a society of instant gratification and if we can't get a Big Mac in 2 minutes, we get frustrated. War is not easy folks, it is not pretty, and it is not fast. Another thing is that Americans forget things. Of course we have never, and will never forget 9-11, but the 'why' and 'who' aspect get blurry after a while. It was mindless and barbaric and to shrug it off, and just sweep it under the rug would be an insult to the men and women who have brought the US to where it is today from their efforts in the past. (ie. my Grandma+Grandpa J.). I always make it a point to watch the documentories on the 9-11 attacks on History channel (my wife thinks I'm sick) and I watch the TRUE story movies on the different conflicts (ie. We Were Soldiers, Saving Private Ryan) just to keep the freshness of 'why we do what do and who we do it for' in my mind.

War is a terrible thing, and I can guarantee you that the first person to tell you that they hate war is the American soldier. They are the ones who must go into battle and see the things they see. And for the media to "try" to portray war from a balcony of a hotel and just portray the ugliness that goes on is a farse. My VERY BEST FRIEND, Cpt. RTH, has shown me his personal pics that are just a few of the many thousands of good stories of the locals appreciating our efforts over there. Can you immagine, even for just a second, if we had pulled out of France and Germany in WWII because it got "too difficult?" This world as we know it would not exist. Europe and Western Asia would be in shambles to this day with dictatorship. That was only 60 years ago. If we pull out now, we are vulnerable, and we bring all of whats going on over there to our streets. I'm not saying these things to scare or worry, those are the facts. Taliban wants to kill Americans, as do radical muslims in general. They wouldn't think twice about walking down the street and out of nowhere set off a car bomb, or just shooting any one of us in the face. Hell, these things go on over there every other day, whether they kill someone or not. They aren't picky as to who they kill.

I believe I've said in the past that our "PC" is going to get us killed someday. This is exactly what I mean by that. We as Americans hold human life to a higher standard. It is precious to us. The human body to a Radical is just a shell. They just flat out don't care. Our downfall is that we do, but to subverse that would make us no better than them, so this war is harder than any other in walking that tightrope.

Have we made mistakes over there? Yes. Are we winning the war? No. Are we losing the war? No again. We are at a point where more troops are going over to "the sand box" and the only issue I have with this is that it should have happened a long time ago. And screw 20,000 troops....send 40,000. If we're at war, we need to stop dicking around and make a statement. Safety in numbers is key. You hear the crazies talk about "well if we send more, more will die". No, just the opposite, if we do what 'you' want which is a slow withdrawl, our forces are weakened, that's when the shit will go down, and I mean in a bad way. Then what? You don't have an answer? Well then you shouldn't have an opinion either, so shut the hell up Pelosi.

In times of war, we must prepare for peace.....In times of peace we must prepare for war. If this country as a whole we united in this war effort, and not divided by what a few are saying, I guarantee that we would have a great victory.

This is why I'll never be a politician, I wear my heart on my sleeve and speak my mind. I just don't like being misunderstood, that's all I'm tryin' to say, that's all that I'm drivin' at....really, if you think about it, that's all.

Ron is going to be Healthy!!!!

When Ron and I first met back in March of '06, things were great!!! We went everywhere together....we shopped at Home Depot, we ate at Taco Bell, Hell, we even went to work together everyday!!! (We laughed, we cried, it was better than Cats....sorry AML, had to use it) Things are still that good, but even better. I was on the E85 web site, and low and behold, there is a new E85 fueling station at the Kroger at the top of Winton Hill just under the Star 64 tower(the one that looks like the Kate Moss version of the Eiffel Tower that can be seen just about anywhere in Cincinnati.) I didn't even know there was a Kroger there. When I got the news I was so excited, I ran out to tell Ron the news. He's been bummed out that he's topping out now at over 5,000 lbs. His eyes lit up and I think I almost saw a smile under that beautiful grill of his.
For the laymen, or lay women<------(ounds cool huh?) anyway, E85 is a new blend of fuel for vehicles that are only E85 compliant. Ron is the only vehicle in the Nissan fleet right now that is. The blend is 85% ethanol fuel and 15% gasoline. Compare this to the 90% gasoline/10% ethanol mix many oil companies are using today. The gain is two-fold. The emissions are much cleaner for the environment, and it will begin the transition to the US's steps towards it's independance from middle eastern oil and the strains from OPEC.
E85 is still relatively in it's infancy stages right now and still has a kink or two to mend out, like the loss of mileage(Ron gets 19 MPG on the highway now, with E85 he'll get 17 to 16. It has to do with the alcohol being less volatile than regular gasoline.) It's being worked on right now.
So I will let you all know, not that many of you will care, about the outcomes of Ron's next fillup and any differences in driving.

Hey You Guys!!!

I'm Back, Bigger Badder and Blacker. Sorry Chris Rock, I had to use it. Well the only thing worth writing about since I wrote last, outside of actually getting my boheamoth of a TV setup, is the events of the afternoon of January 9th.
Ms. Olive was resting peacefully as she normally does wherever she wishes. @12 noon, the Mrs. Danno is leaving for work, and as I can only assume, SHE assumed that the cat, Ms. Olive was still resting peacefully. But as she normally does, the cat saw her chance in sneaking out of the house through Mrs. Danno's legs without her noticing. (Ms. Olive sees Mrs. Danno as a pushover me thinks.) The afternoon was a blank to me as I was at work already. I can't imagine what she did outside all day by her lonesome. All I know is when I got home and let out the crazy insane animal (not the most fiersome pic) from his kennel and walked him to the door, when I opened it, there was Ms. Olive, ready to come back in from her days romp outside. I called the Mrs. to let her know of her mishap, and in her most N. Carolinian accent you can think of, and AML you can almost hear it can't you? "But I saw her before I we'ant ou'side".
Any-who, the cat was fine, a little tired and cold, but fine. As I laid on the couch later in the evening, I could almost read her mind as she lay there quietly, dreaming of the daily events with her new neigborhood friends.

The Boss' Christmas Gift

Ohhh how happy is the Dan-o. He's soooo happy!!! The 2 boss' gave me and another senior co-worker of mine a 50" LG plasma dispaly for our yearly gift this year. The other guys got tv's too but they recieved 42" TV's. Still very nice sets. So if you all are good, I may let you come visit the new TV sometime.

Now that I look at it, I'm not sure if this is the same one. It's like a newborn baby, they all look a little bit the same when they come out of the box. But still, it's'a very nice'a.

So happy to be me. la la la la la la.

Happy holidays to all

All I have to say is Merry Christmas. Don't ask where I got this, but we all could hardly stand up when it was on. It's about a 10 on the "Wrong Scale". Be sure there are no little ones around. I am ALL ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS though folks. Enjoy your families and give thanks to all we have. ESPECIALLY OUR COLLECTIVE SENSES OF HUMOR. Merry Christmas guys. Hope to see you all soon, me and my small teeth.
Who can't resist a drunken Dan-o.

Paintball=Pain

That's right kids, a couple of weeks ago I was out with the wifes cousins and our friends paintballing on the WEST SIDE!!! It was a great day, beautiful weather, birds still chirping, and the sound of sceams by grown up men being hit by pain of paint balls hitting them on various body parts. My day was going pretty well, the first game I didn't get knocked out until the very end, but I did get hit by one right in the fleshy part between the poiunter and middle finger while my hand was on the gun. I was so close to crying , but I didn't. Why you ask Tiners? BECAUSE I'M A MAN!!!! That's right.
As the day went on, I had several wonderful kill shots on other guys. We made it all the way until about 3:00 when people started to leave. We were down to 8 guys. 4 on 4! Let's go, one more round!!! We started out on our normal 1 minute walk away from each other and started. I made my way up to a position on my stomache behind a tree up about 50' from the prized empty beer bottle that if it were grabbed, the game would be over. I was laying down a suppressing fire, when from my left, a spattering barrage of paintballs were hitting the other side of my tree, but not hitting me. I was getting up the nerve after a couple of minutes to get up and make a run for the beer bottle when 2 shots rang out from behind me, both hitting me almost simultaneoulsly in the same spot on the back of my knee. I dropped my gun, "God Damnit, You Mother Fucker" "I'M OUT!!!!!" I said it so eloquently. The Mo Fo who shot me made it all the way around my flank and came up behind us all and got me from behind. Kinky huh???
I did not notice how bad it was until I got home that night and was putting on my PJ pants. The wife says "Your leg looks nasty!" Being the baddass I am I said "Chicks dig scars". I looked down and the bruise had grown 10 fold. Both paintballs had hit in the same spot a split second after each other. Here's my battle scar folks. This was an enormous bruise, the pic doesn't serve it justice. Remember, I have big legs. Notice the center mark of impact. It was so bruised in the center it was yellow. AWESOME!!!! This is as naked as you'll see me by the way, you can thank me later:


MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!! Turn up the Speakers!!!!!!

One Pissed off Dan-o

This Is Spinal Tap
Marty: "I've noticed that your amps have and 11 on them, why is that?"
Nigel: "Our amps go up to 11."
Marty:"what does that mean?"
Nigel:"Everyone elses amps go to 10, ours go up to 11, see."

What's my deal folks? Well, today I had good reason to be ticked off. At the Mr. K job today, one of the younger electricians was there for the electrical company doing the job. He's got to be no older than 22. That's weird to say that's young to me. I digress. He comes up to me and asks if I'm the A/V guy on the job. I say yes. So he follows up by asking me what I thought about Bose. I said "In my honest professional opinion?....It's crap. They are not a Dolby licensed product which in Theater or any A/V standards is a huge benchmark. The CEO knows that his product can't become Dolby licensed due to the fact that they are a simple single cone loudspeaker design, similar to ones at a drive through where they talk to you at over the mic. This design gives the speakers a flat sound, but since the speaker is non-directional, it is a room filling flat sound, which can trick the person's ear into thinking it is a good sound. Which is why Symphony music is usually played to demo them. Whether you have flutes trombones sax's or trumpets, a flat symphony sound is going to sound alot better than a flat rock track or R/B. Also I find fault with a company that advertises their product as much as they do. They always say 'hear the difference' yet when I worked at Best Buy back in the day, the Bose rep was in when I took one of their speakers off of their display to set it next to a better and cheaper (mind you) JBL bookshelf. There was no way, other than me moving it, that the customer could hear the difference in the sound. " (The customer ended up buying the JBL by the way) prior to a nice friendly encounter in front of the rep and Mr. Belcastro(<------Steph, you remember him!!!!) Rich laughed after the rep left and said that customer service-wise, I was in the right, but Bose paid for that space away from the rest of the speakers in the room for a reason. Which stands to reason why they also have their own stores. ANYWAY, the electrician proceeds, only after I gave him even more incriminating evidence and suggestions of other fantastic sounding brands for cheaper $$$'s, to tell me that "Well, I bought the Bose AM10 system and I think it's fantastic...blah blah blah." I stopped him immediately and said "Man, don't do that...that is wrong on so many levels. If you have them that's fine, don't try to snowball me after the fact. This is my job, I know what I'm talking about, you're an electrician apprentice. They are a below average speaker for an astronomical price and the only reason they've survived over the years is because of their relentless stream of advertising. If you spent $1500 for the speakers and an amp, you obviously said 'hmmmm, I have $1500, what can I get for that.' Insead of saying 'what's out there for a reasonable price' and then shop around to see what is out there and MAYBE save some $$$." Did he honestly just do that? Advertising done properly, can get certain people to drink the peverbial ' kool-aid.' If you drill it into their heads long enough, they'll buy into it. His coworkers laughed at him for being an idiot by the way. Don't get me totally wrong, Bose isn't a terrible speaker, it's a simple product, with a simple design. They are just way overrated and WAY over priced. Shop around, PLEASE!!! If anyone out there is shopping around, here are a few web sites for brands that I'd recommend. Bye and bye, I have a Paradigm system in my mansion:
Paradigm

Energy

JBL (check out the Synthesis line.....I highly recommend it, if you have the means, it is so choice.) @$150,000 for the Atlas line.

Mission (Good luck though finding a local dealer for this one though...great sound!!!)

I know you're always in the market to spend a little $$$ Mol's. Let me know and I'll set you up.

Brokeback Mountain

Blazing Saddles
Town lookout: The Sheriff is a nig(loud noises in the background!!!!!!!)
Town folk: He said the Sheriff is Near!!!!!!!

The other evening at diner with the AML and RR, the conversation turned at one point to the viewing of Brokeback Mountain. My wife had watched it a few evenings before, and expressed that it wasn't a film 'Dan-o could watch'. Well, as I was pounding out the work today, and listening to my headset, I gazed into my persona a bit and wondered if I am really that closed minded and/or if I am really 'not comfortable in my sexuality' as was put by the AML. Now don't get me wrong, I am not upset in any way by any of these comments,...which actually I think puts me ahead in the Acceptance of Homosexuals Points Race (AHPR) already.
I delved into thinking about why, right off the bat, that I didn't want to see it. Well, A #1 that came to mind was that I am not a homosexual (which means I like sex w/ women-my wife especially) and I have no interest in a homosexual cowboy love story. First of all there is no such thing as a gay homosexual cowboy love story. Nice Try. Westerns are dirty (well, come to think of it, so is butt sex), cowboys are supposed to ride on horses, not other guys hung like horses. I realize that times are diffent from when I grew up where Clint Eastwood was a badass, now little Ricky is growing up in a world where Heath thinks Jake has a badass.
Sorry I just lost points to the AHPR. In all seriousness, though, I don't feel like I should have to explain why I don't want to see that movie, I just don't have any ambition to see it because it has qualities I'm just not interested in. It's also not that I'm homophobic, it's kind of hard to be that way with a gay uncle in the family. It's something I've grown up around. I'm used to it and accept it as a lifestyle. I also have a favorite movie that actually has very gay characters in it. It is an American movie that comes from a French play, The Birdcage. It's a great movie!!! It is a comedy, not a drama, and is very well done. <------SEE, I'm cultured too!!!!
I guess I just find fault with films that are made to prove a point, or that are made just to say "we can do this now, look what we're doing over here!!!!". And just because people like myself don't want to go see them, those people that do see it can say "Oh, he/she's not comfortable with that". You know what? I wouldn't read the book either. There are alot of things I just don't want to see or do, some have reasons, some don't. It's like when the RR wanted to go to a gay bar. Why would I want to go, I'm not gay? No interest for me there. However, I went because it's friends I went with, and we had a good time. Flat out, if it doesn't spawn interest immediately, it's out of my head like a fart in the wind, I don't waste my time with it. The wife can tell you when I'm sitting there and a preview for a movie or a comercial for some new product comes on, if my interest is peaked, you know it.
All I'm saying is to the movie people, "Look, don't push your agenda on me. And just because I don't accept your agenda, that doesn't make me wrong." We all understand there are gay people out there, we all know this, I accept them, and I accept their lifestyle because it's THEIR life desicion not mine, so it doesn't bother me one bit. Just don't shove it in my face or make me feel bad because I don't want to see it. We can make some of the people happy some of the time, but we can't make all of the people happy all of the time. STOP TRYING!!!!!!
ON ANOTHER TANGENT: While I'm rolling, Political correctness is all it is, and that is what's going to get everyone of us killed one of these days. Perfect example: All of the terrorists on 9/11 through today were of middle eastern decent and muslim-----> BUT!!!!! Not all middle esatern muslims are terrorists. SO when we began checking people at the airports that were of middle eastern decent and THEY started complaining......OHHH NO, we can't do this anymore, we have to start letting some of THEM go and let's isolate the 85 year old man over there that can't get out of his wheelchair to make things fair. And the next thing you know that guy we let through was the next one with a micro-nuke. Well, when a white male that has a scruffy beard and is wearing an AC/DC t-shirt robs a bank, who do we look for????? We look for the first white female in a work suit driving a Beemer...right!!!! Well, not so much, but you get the point.
Last week a bunch of muslim males were in the middle of an airport terminal praying to Allah. They were pissed when airport security stopped them and questioned them. Freedom of religion??? Absolutely, JUST NOT IN AN AIRPORT TERMINAL ASSHOLES!!!<-----The next Amendment to the US Constitution!!!!!!! Tiners, get on it!!!!! Everone reading this would have crapped themselves had they seen this in person, and don't lie. Muslims, save it for when you get home, that was in bad taste and you all know it. Finished, I think. I have to go to bed now, that was tiring. I still love you AML.....silly .

A Pointless Sunday

Biloxi Blues

Jerome: (after getting off the train) It's really hot....does anyone else realize how hot it is?.......It's really hot......The hottness is getting hotter......It's hotter than hot, this is Africa hot.

After a wonderful dinner last evening with the Wife, AML, and the Rabbit, Dan-o is left with a meaningless Sunday to decide what he's going to do with. The Bengals already played Thursday in victorious fashion and don't play the lowly Raiders until next Sunday. What is a hometown fan to do? I turn around from the monitor and the animal (aka. Palmer is laying in "his chair" and as pitiful as he can below his barely open eyelids looks at me with the same feeling. "Daddy, what are we going to do today now that you're not going to be yelling at the TV today?" I really don't know.... Maybe do a little window shopping for the Old Lady's Xmas gift. I know what I'm getting her, but need some options. However the animal can't go to the mall with me....I feel bad leaving him at home all weekend. Maybe I can pretend I'm blind.....This won't pas for reality when I step out of my Monster truck's driver seat and fight with him to get his leash on. Let alone I've never known a seeing eye dog to smell everyone's crotch that they come in contact with which the P-dog is known for. Maybe we'll go to Grandma's house so the dog can run, this sounds like a possibility. Or I can get up the ambition finally and continue on the air return project for the upstairs.

Here's my dilemma with this, I build and create things every day at work with my hands and tools in order to make things work. When I get home in the evening, the last thing I want to do, is work some more. However this is my house right? Suck it up right? But the couch looks so comfy from across the room when I take off my boots in the afternoon. Any suggestions on how to avoid the 'rooting of the ass' on the couch in the evenings.


AML, we need to catch the guy who writes #'s in red on our shirts. Also I'm sorry your pic is right under the name of this post, I really didn't mean for it to turn out like that.

To be Thankful

I'm not going to get too sappy here, but I wanted to take some time here to show the things I'm thankful for in my life.

1. My wife and family, without which I just couldn't picture myself as being who I am today.

2. ALL of my friends, new and old, all of which with their different outlooks on life and witty banter never cease to peak my interests.

3. My job: Not many people can say that their job is as cool as mine. I've been blessed with an ability and steady hand that helps me do what I do every day.

4. My pets: psycho as they may be, they never waver in their unending affection. Good days or bad, they are always there to say "Hi".....they really do say that you know.

5. My truck Ron.

6. Thin, fit, and voluptuous runners that stretch right in front of you at the Thanksgiving day race without a thought of who might be glancing over at the spandex pants HUGGING your bottom.....I digress.

7. Thin, fit, Voluptuous runners with white tops and see through sports bras!!!!!!! Did you honestly thing NOONE would look darlin' in the white top and blue stretchies??? Easily C's ...... 'nough said.....again, I digress.

8. Barry Manilow....He gives me the will to get up off of my ass between #7 and #8 here on this list, the will to not be lazy, run downstairs and change the XM channel on my stereo.

9. The winter months that I love so much coming up. I'm a big fan of the cold weather. It's much easier to stay warm in the winter than it is to stay cool in the blistering summer(not that I don't mind Charleston, SC or Sannibel.....the surroundings make up for the mugginess.)

10. Warriors. Soldiers. Those of which I admire are all who fight and give us the freedoms we have here at home which we MOST times take advantage of. The warriors who take it to them rather than have the meanies bring it to us again and again. Rather there than here. I drink beer for all of you.

To all who've read this, have a great Christmas, Thanksgiving weekend, and New Year. To my Jewish people reading this, have a good Hanukka.

OUT!!!

Palmer=Not a good jogging partner

So I got home the other night and decided, "Hey Palmer, want to go for a run?" He's never been running with me before, so we tried it out. Aside from him keeping up with me the whole 2.5 miles, I almost became crippled several times. The problem is the fact that he's still a pup. Almost a year old, but full grown now. With this factor told, he is still smelling new things. I can almost hear his thought process as we ran......RUNNING RUNNING RUNNING .......WHAT'S THIS? WHY IS HE PULLING ME??? THIS OTHER DOG'S CRAP SMELLS FANTASTIC!!!! DOESN"T HE KNOW THAT???? RUNNING RUNNING .......STOP OH WHAT IS THAT SMELL???? OH IT'S NOTHING. RUNNING RUNNING......etc."
OK the problem was the fact that I was jogging at about what would be considered for me 1/3 of my max speed now that I'm 31. And stopping my BIG ASS isn't as easy as it used to be at 240 lbs. I felt as though I was a jackknifed tractor trailer each time the mutt came to a screetching halt in front of me. No more Palmer.....no more running with me. It's back to the old licking your own crotch trick for you.

Laughing with black people

Russ: "Do you have asteroids?"

Russ's Cousin: "No...but my dad does."

So, another trek this past Sunday leads me to the Deli for some lunch meat for the weeks lunches I pack myself. As I stand in line waiting for #25 to be called, I peruse around the area to check out the other yummie treats that surround me. An older black woman, I'm guessing that she'd just come from church as she was in her 'sunday best', had picked her number from the ticket dispenser. The lady behind the counter called out "23"......She immediately stopped talking to the woman she was with and checked her ticket again. "Oh my word, we leavin' ". The much younger, and quite attractive, other black woman she was with, said "What's wrong?" I've got ticket 128. I looked down at mine to see if I had misread mine. The poor old woman read her ticket as 128 when it actually read I28. I showed her mine (my ticket sicko's) to show her that I had an I in front of my # too. She just laughed and fanned herself giving a sigh of relief. Then the older man infront of me, black also, was getting his meat sliced. The woman behind the counter, ALSO black, gave the ham a single slice and came up to the counter and asked "how does that look?" then promptly dropped it on the floor by accident. And in the funniest black woman voice, with the head swing and everything, said " it don't look too good now does it?" We all got a good laugh. I like my local Kroger and the diversity there on Sundays especially. I think that's going to be my new go-to spot on the weekends. Anyone care to join me....It's a hoot!!!!!